Some people are like drugs. Every time you take them, you are actually making yourself sicker. You crave the temporary euphoria they give you even though you know that you have to keep taking them to get that high. When the euphoria wears off, you get sick. You crash; your nerves are killing you and your world becomes dim – unless you take them again.
Each time you make up your mind to finally quit, the withdrawal symptoms become so painfully unbearable, so much more excruciating than the last time you stopped taking them. It was so agonizingly hollow that you just have to have the drugs – and you take them again. You get to feel happy again, thinking that it is indeed the taste of paradise when in fact you are trading your health and sanity for a hell in disguise.
The cycle repeats itself. It’s like a constant battle between your logic and your craving.
You do know that at some point you have to give them up because drugs are bad, but the drugs are making you think that you cannot live without them. It’s making you think that the only way to be happy is to take them with you. You’re tricked so that you will never consider living without them. Or maybe you do know that you can live without them, but you just don’t want to.
Even after you finally decide to endure the pain and give them up, sometimes you still think about them. You know that one simple taste would drag you back to hell, yet deep inside you still want them. You know better now, and you are trying your best to stay clean. You’re praying and struggling for better days.
You have come to hate the drugs but you can never completely let them go because the drugs have broken your mind. The false love and euphoria in your memory were too blinding for you to see the world as it is. The world seems dull and colorless; slow and crawling. On days like that, you can only pray that God gives you enough strength and patience to get you through, one day at a time.
I’ve been with people like this. They distort your understanding about comfort. They make you stay in a dark pit for so long you can’t remember the sun. They make you think they are all you need; they make you cling to them while losing everything else you once hold dear. And they make you think that you can’t be happy any other way.
Others cannot make you walk way; you have to do it on your own. And then, you may have to re-learn the meaning of happiness. You may find the ride long and the road bumpy – believe me it’s worth it. Have patience and hope that someday you’ll find your true paradise in which you get to embrace the warmth of the sun.