Second Chances

I believe that everybody deserves a second chance, just like I would love to be given a second chance if I messed something up, especially if I didn’t do it on purpose. Yes, kadang-kadang dunia emang gak adil when it comes to opportunities, tapi menurut gue dunia bisa jadi tempat yang lebih baik kalo aja orang-orang lebih terbuka terhadap kesempatan kedua.

I’m not saying that we should give bad people chances after chances to ruin our lives. Beneran deh, itu mah goblok. I’m just saying that sometimes it is healthy to give people the benefit of the doubt. Think of it as giving someone a second date after a so-so first date.

First dates could be nerve-wrecking. Some people might be a little bit off their game and made silly mistakes. Kadang ada first date yang kayak siaran kosong, sepi krik krik ga tau mau ngomongin apa. Semua topik mandek. Kopi tumpah. Nyetir nyasar. Tapi, bisa jadi doi emang kelewat nervous sampe segitunya kan? Makanya, isn’t it kind to overlook those little mistakes and give them a second date? Kalo second datenya masih juga ancur minah, yaudah, goodbye. Yang penting, kita udah kasih doi fair chance untuk membuktikan kwalitet dirinya.

Memang kadang ada beberapa orang yang kaga perlu dikasih second chance samasekali sih. That is, those who grossed you out or creeped you out or was maddeningly irritating. Yang kaya gitu ya cepetan kabur aja deh kitanya daripada setres!

Nah, similar to the idea of giving someone a second date, sometimes kita juga perlu ngasih a second chance untuk pasangan atau temen baik kita sendiri. Pengalaman gue banyak ngajarin bahwa giving a second chance as a redemption chance is not only good for them to learn but also good for us to forgive and let go.

Contohnya, salah satu mantan gue ada yang hidup matinya dota doang. Kelas bolos sampe kena DO. Boro-boro bikin tugas, tiap harinya cuman turnamen dota lawan anak-anak dorm pake LAN connection (ahem, dulu belom jamannya WiFi…) Gue uda berkali-kali bilang, sekolah yang bener, jangan begoin diri sendiri. Tapi gue yakin semua anak dota bakalan ngebela dota mati-matian.

Karena gue merasa doi mulai bosenin dan dragging, jadi gue bilang, ‘pilih aku atau dota’. Hahaha, typical ababil banget gak sih gue! Pokoknya, gue kasih dia one more chance untuk berhenti dota gila-gilaan dan sekolah yang bener. But, he didn’t live to my expectation and I was unwilling to compromise, so I bid him goodbye.

Contoh gue mungkin kesannya simple dan ababil banget. Tapi coba dipikir lagi dan ganti dotanya jadi problem lain. Misalnya: bohong; males kerja; pake duit boros; clubbing gak terkontrol; atau cemburuan banget. Bahkan, to some extreme, ada yang berani kasih second chance untuk urusan judi, selingkuh, dan tindakan kriminal tertentu, even though that’s really dangerous and debatable.

My point is, if you can be sure that the bad thing he/she did was not habitual or intentional, I still think he/she deserves A second chance. Bisa aja, sekali itu doi kepeleset dan bikin kesalahan yang memang mengecewakan, tapi cuma sekali itu aja abis itu doi tobat. Tapi beneran cuma sekali aja ya! Yang namanya second chance is only once. Ga ada yang namanya second chance pertama, second chance kedua, ketiga, keempat, dst. Itu mah ngerusak diri namanya. It is really important to know when to stop or deny giving them a second chance.

Trus, what if setelah dikasih second chance trus mereka teteeuup aja ndableg ga berubah? Yaa, pilih deh sekarang, mau stay and compromise atau cukup tau bodo amat atau tinggalin bener-bener. Yang penting, kita udah kasih fair chance for them to redeem themselves. If they cannot prove that they’re better, it is time for us to let go. Forgive, but do not forget.

Remember, giving someone a second chance is all about offering them a chance to help themselves be a better person. If they refuse to help themselves and continue bathing themselves in wrongdoings, nobody can help them. You can never help someone who refuses to help himself.

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