*it is a 2014 movie but still, spoiler alert*
I stumbled upon this movie which, they say, is the inspiration behind the latest Korean blockbuster Train to Busan. Well yes, most of the scenes happened inside a bullet train but this movie is waay waay weirder than Train to Busan.
The opening act wasn’t much, just an introduction of people mashed together in cramped spaces of the tail. Some guards, some minister and her good speech about me-hat-you-shoes, many hobos and their guilingao, Captain America, Gandalf, and their revolution plan. They got to the prison; they got their security daddy and his wide-eyed teenage daughter, and they had help opening a few doors of the train cars. Honestly, their plan was no-plan at all, and getting thaaat far felt as if the “god” wanted them to get that far.
50 mins into the movie, Captain and the gang had to face 3 layers of soldiers wearing beanies that actually covered their eyes (??). The soldiers carried a huge catfish, dipped their axes into its belly, and thwack-thwack-smack-smack, but all of a sudden they all stopped and cheered “Happy New Year”…..
After that, they subsequently continued their way thwack-thwacking, this time with night vision goggles and the scene changed into an IGN-like comical video game walkthrough. I kinda had to stop there and took a breather haha. Not to mention the all-time-high-daddy-daughter bonding.
But hello there, Chris Evans, you are the apple of my eye (smooch). I have 70 more minutes of enjoying you and your absurdity.
Minute 51, and now the whole scene changed into paralympic opening ceremony. One-armed daddy and little(jackie)chan ran forward with a torch while screaming waaa-waaa. I actually loled. On the side note, Captain America was the Human Torch, so maybe this scene was intentional?
Ehm okay, so the fire helped them fighting the soldiers in the dark, and they were on the verge of losing until somebody threw a knife at Minister Teether. The sad part was the irony of having to choose between capturing Minister Teether and saving poor Edgar. Curtis had to sacrifice his comrade and when he got to her, the train went out of the tunnel. By then, Edgar was already dead. Captain could’ve had enough momentum to save Edgar before capturing her. But he didn’t know that.
Why on earth did this felt more like Hunger Games than Train to Busan?!
And so, Minister Teether took them through a mini farm, a socially engineered seaworld, a sushi bar manned by a black sushi chef (lel), a butchery, and a classroom. So, your students’ only classroom was right next to a butchery full of cow carcasses and headless chickens? And of course the teacher was the awkward Margaret from The Newsroom! She must have lost her job at the newsroom! And she really had crazy eyes.
Oh, and the kids sang a jingle about the frickin bullet train, with Margaret playing piano accompaniment.
Thank God there was one cool shooting scene in this movie! The train went 360 and both parties were shooting at each other through the glass – I seriously don’t know if a regular rifle can shoot that far and precise haha. But who cares because the train had everything in it: dentist, library, tailor, saloon, salon, even dipping pools! The close combat was pretty cool too imho.
When Curtis reached the 80s club, I was reminded of the hallu-club-scene in Scorch Trials. Not stopping there, the next room was an opium lounge. Daebak.
Bla bla bla, basically Captain America finally reached the W door, and he went emotional. High daddy wanted to just blow up the train, but Curtis went inside the W room and talked to Mr. W, and talked, and talked, and I got bored. Anyway, Mr. W was feeling old and he offered Curtis his position as the top hat (literally). But the train was blown and derailed.
For true movie reviewer, this movie might be about political/socio-economic inequality resulting in class warfare. Human beings and their tendencies toward civil wars, and the fact that most civil wars are politically-tailored to maintain status quo instead of breaking it.
But for me, as an amateur, this movie is one helluva train ride! It was weird yet enjoyable. This movie was made for us to overthink and overcomment about it, and I was impressed. The only thing bugging me was the convo between Curtis and high daddy. One spoke English, one spoke Korean, and they seemed to understand each other just fine without the occasional crackling translator.
Perhaps the ending was hopeless. Perhaps it would’ve been better to peacefully stop the train and take a tour outside without bombing and avalanching it. Perhaps the overly comfortable business class passengers would never survive. Perhaps the junkie teenager and cute Timmy would never make it.
Polar bears were dying because of global warming. The fact that there was one polar bear could mean that the climate was getting friendlier for mammals after 18 years. And maybeeee, mama polar bear would be merciful enough to mother them, hence little Timmy and teeny Junkie could become the next Mowgli and Jane – and procreate…?
16 SEPTEMBER 2016, 09:00 PM