Dua pasang mata saling memandang
Dalam, hitam, lagi tenang
Di mana tanpa terlalu banyak berkata
Sudah paham, sudah mafhum

Hanya dua orang yang menyadari
Bahwa rasa nyaman tidak mesti selamanya
Karena dalam rasa nyaman
Manusia berhenti membangun

Hanya dua orang yang menikmati
Setiap menit dari rasa yang tersisa
Sebelum beranjak bangun
Dan menyongsong langkah-langkah mandiri

Tertawa berderai di sela-sela helaan nafas
Gelak yang anehnya jadi lebih ringan
Senda gurau yang ternyata jadi lebih lapang

Mungkin karena keduanya tahu
Bahwa tidak akan ada lagi hari seperti hari ini
Dan tidak akan ada lagi dua yang seperti mereka

09 NOVEMBER 2016, 02:16 PM



Fear is a real thing.
It is something you cannot ignore, only overcome.

Courage is how you overcome fear, and the first step to overcoming it is acknowledgment.
By acknowledging fear, you can identify and manage it right before it sneaks up on you and tries to bring you down.

I have my own fear. My own trauma. My own paranoia that my trauma will happen again.

I am acknowledging it. I am trying to keep it in check. So that when the good things happen, I don’t forget where I came from, and when the bad things happen again, I don’t drown.

Fear is a real thing,
but it doesn’t break me, only make me.

Snowpiercer Walkthrough

more like MINDPIERCER hahahahelpmehahaha!!

*it is a 2014 movie but still, spoiler alert*

I stumbled upon this movie which, they say, is the inspiration behind the latest Korean blockbuster Train to Busan. Well yes, most of the scenes happened inside a bullet train but this movie is waay waay weirder than Train to Busan.

The opening act wasn’t much, just an introduction of people mashed together in cramped spaces of the tail. Some guards, some minister and her good speech about me-hat-you-shoes, many hobos and their guilingao, Captain America, Gandalf, and their revolution plan. They got to the prison; they got their security daddy and his wide-eyed teenage daughter, and they had help opening a few doors of the train cars. Honestly, their plan was no-plan at all, and getting thaaat far felt as if the “god” wanted them to get that far.

50 mins into the movie, Captain and the gang had to face 3 layers of soldiers wearing beanies that actually covered their eyes (??). The soldiers carried a huge catfish, dipped their axes into its belly, and thwack-thwack-smack-smack, but all of a sudden they all stopped and cheered “Happy New Year”…..

After that, they subsequently continued their way thwack-thwacking, this time with night vision goggles and the scene changed into an IGN-like comical video game walkthrough. I kinda had to stop there and took a breather haha. Not to mention the all-time-high-daddy-daughter bonding.

But hello there, Chris Evans, you are the apple of my eye (smooch). I have 70 more minutes of enjoying you and your absurdity.

Minute 51, and now the whole scene changed into paralympic opening ceremony. One-armed daddy and little(jackie)chan ran forward with a torch while screaming waaa-waaa. I actually loled. On the side note, Captain America was the Human Torch, so maybe this scene was intentional?

Ehm okay, so the fire helped them fighting the soldiers in the dark, and they were on the verge of losing until somebody threw a knife at Minister Teether. The sad part was the irony of having to choose between capturing Minister Teether and saving poor Edgar. Curtis had to sacrifice his comrade and when he got to her, the train went out of the tunnel. By then, Edgar was already dead. Captain could’ve had enough momentum to save Edgar before capturing her. But he didn’t know that.

Why on earth did this felt more like Hunger Games than Train to Busan?!

And so, Minister Teether took them through a mini farm, a socially engineered seaworld, a sushi bar manned by a black sushi chef (lel), a butchery, and a classroom. So, your students’ only classroom was right next to a butchery full of cow carcasses and headless chickens? And of course the teacher was the awkward Margaret from The Newsroom! She must have lost her job at the newsroom! And she really had crazy eyes.

Oh, and the kids sang a jingle about the frickin bullet train, with Margaret playing piano accompaniment.

Thank God there was one cool shooting scene in this movie! The train went 360 and both parties were shooting at each other through the glass – I seriously don’t know if a regular rifle can shoot that far and precise haha. But who cares because the train had everything in it: dentist, library, tailor, saloon, salon, even dipping pools! The close combat was pretty cool too imho.

When Curtis reached the 80s club, I was reminded of the hallu-club-scene in Scorch Trials. Not stopping there, the next room was an opium lounge. Daebak.

Bla bla bla, basically Captain America finally reached the W door, and he went emotional. High daddy wanted to just blow up the train, but Curtis went inside the W room and talked to Mr. W, and talked, and talked, and I got bored. Anyway, Mr. W was feeling old and he offered Curtis his position as the top hat (literally). But the train was blown and derailed.

For true movie reviewer, this movie might be about political/socio-economic inequality resulting in class warfare. Human beings and their tendencies toward civil wars, and the fact that most civil wars are politically-tailored to maintain status quo instead of breaking it.

But for me, as an amateur, this movie is one helluva train ride! It was weird yet enjoyable. This movie was made for us to overthink and overcomment about it, and I was impressed. The only thing bugging me was the convo between Curtis and high daddy. One spoke English, one spoke Korean, and they seemed to understand each other just fine without the occasional crackling translator.

Perhaps the ending was hopeless. Perhaps it would’ve been better to peacefully stop the train and take a tour outside without bombing and avalanching it. Perhaps the overly comfortable business class passengers would never survive. Perhaps the junkie teenager and cute Timmy would never make it.

Polar bears were dying because of global warming. The fact that there was one polar bear could mean that the climate was getting friendlier for mammals after 18 years. And maybeeee, mama polar bear would be merciful enough to mother them, hence little Timmy and teeny Junkie could become the next Mowgli and Jane – and procreate…?

16 SEPTEMBER 2016, 09:00 PM

So Different, So What?

I think, as we get older, we get more and more inclined to our true characters. We no longer feel the need to do the things we used to do to fit in a certain group. We are more grounded but we are also more honest about our own dreams and goals. Well, at least, that’s what happens in my case.

I went to a wedding of a good friend of mine, and I had to mix with my old pals. It took me a while to get used to them again (you know, introverts being introverts!), and I realized that I’ve lost the need to mimic them.

I needed some time to read them again, and while I was mapping their behavior, I was reminded of how much I needed to copy their lifestyles and behaviors in order to feel accepted. Surely, the young me felt the need to fit in because of reasons (well, sigh..). At that point of time, I was blinded by social pressure that I mimicked everything they did – both positive and negative acts (plus the consequences!)

To be fair, they were my everything when I was in college. They helped me went through a rough patch, and I am beyond thankful and blessed to have them in my life. It’s just that, we kind of have grown apart and I no longer felt the need to blend in so much.

Their slangs still rubbed off a wee bit (lel), but I realized that I was somehow more quiet and reserved. I didn’t share stories as freely as I used to. I only told them the headlines briefly when asked. Have I come way too far from my own old pals?

I still talked in their slangs, because of muscle memory. I still talked about the things we all know, because that’s what socially acceptable (haha). However, I was quite surprised that I was able to withdraw and be completely comfortable with myself. I even zoned out when they talked about things I didn’t find interesting, or too far for me to hear, or maybe I just leveled up in screening out people bickering with each other haha.

In essence, of course I made some efforts to present myself in an appropriate way (I just couldn’t let myself go weird all the way), but I did not feel the need to be as loud, and bold, and funny, and popular. I did not feel the need to prove myself as much as I did. I was significantly more chillax – and I am glad to find out so.

It is possible that I am just becoming socially lazier, but I think as people get older, we learn to be more easygoing with ourselves and our peers. We look into their lives, and we realize that they too have their own problems despite the successes they show on the outside. We don’t feel pressured to defeat them or to win against them.

We realize that everybody is walking a different path and when our paths do collide, we can’t always compare apple to apple. While it is good to look at our friends’ life and be motivated to be as good or well-off as them, it is also important to manage our jealousy to a healthy level.

It is a mature thing to do to just let go of the less nice things and just enjoy the moment we share together. Reminisce about our past sometimes, talk about our dreams a little, and when we part ways again, we take with us all the good vibes, and let the rest slides. And if we find that we are different yet comfortable, so be it.

Everyone was built to be different, so why be the same?

12 SEPTEMBER 2016, 02:57 PM

A Terrible Thing

Isn’t memory a terrible thing

Remember the good things
and you feel like today is lacking

Remember the bad things
and you get hurt all over again

Isn’t memory a terrible thing

You look at a stranger
and you see imprints
of somebody else in the past

You overhear a conversation
and it sounds like something
somebody had said to you

Isn’t memory a terrible thing

Something wonderful in the past
turned sour
because you cannot have it now

Something shameful in the past
got carried forward
because people just don’t forget

Isn’t memory a terrible thing

It keeps coming back to you
It refuses to let go of you
and you keep making more of it
as if it wasn’t enough already

Memory is a terrible thing

because it is everyone
and everywhere
and everything.

06 SEPTEMBER 2016, 06:21 PM

Awfully Alive

There is this building to which I am in awe
its concrete standing tall and strong
its entrance offering breeze and flow
intricate ceilings, ornamental windows

I am amazed at how alive it is
as if the pores inhale and exhale
as if the walls lean on each other
and the doors wave goodbyes to those who left for the day

The building breathes of humans’ fumes
of our hopes and desires
of our demands and complains
of our frustration and exhaustion

and I am utterly speechless
feeling awfully small and ashamed
at how dead human beings in this building are
at how alive this building can be in our stead

26 AUGUST 2016, 03:45 PM

Pengalaman malesin bersama Citilink

Penerbangan Citilink saya hari ini adalah salah satu penerbangan domestik paling gengges sepanjang pengalaman saya naik maskapai lokal. Citilink yang katanya anak perusahaan Garuda seharusnya bisa lebih menjaga image dan kualitas service.

1. Terlambat dari jadwal
Penerbangan yang seharusnya take off pk 07.35 malah baru meluncur pk 08.30 setelah antrian yang panjang di Soetta. Okelah, saya maklum, mungkin memang antrian di Terminal 1 panjang dan berakibat delay untuk maskapai lainnya juga.

2. “Pramugari” duduk di kursi penumpang
Begitu saya masuk, saya melihat ada 1 orang wanita dengan seragam pramugari Citilink sedang duduk manis ngobrol dengan penumpang. Kebetulan saya dan teman-teman duduk persis di belakang “pramugari” ini, dan ternyata dia sedang off duty. Cuma yaa, tolong lah kalau memang sedang off duty, gak perlu pake seragam Citilink, penumpang yaa penumpang, pramugari yaa pramugari. Mana pantes sih dilihat penumpang ada “pramugari” duduk di kursi penumpang?

3. Bercanda pada saat penjelasan prosedur keamanan penerbangan
Pramugari yang bertugas untuk memperagakan penggunaan life vest dan prosedur keamanan lainnya diajak bercanda oleh 3 orang bapak-bapak yang duduk di deretan kursi row 1 DEF. Kelihatannya memang orang berpangkat, mungkin pilot off duty, mungkin entah apa jabatannya di perusahaan, tetapi akibatnya, pramugari tsb jadi senyam senyum, tidak konsen saat memperagakan, malah sempat ikut membalas candaan si bapak dan tertawa bareng. Lho, kamu lagi jadi pramugari apa jadi personal escort-nya si bapak?

4. Obrolan supir angkot
Sesaat sebelum take off, 3 bapak tsb ngobrol lumayan kenceng dan topiknya kurang enak di kuping. Anggep deh memang saya yang kuno dan kaku, cuma kalau ada kalimat “lobangnya dimana kok susah masuk” dan kalimat “ciyee cici udah berani ngomong nih”, menurut kamu aja deh, apa yang timbul di pikiran orang yang denger? Apa bedanya sama obrolan supir angkot deket rumah saya Pak? Obrolan kenceng serupa diulang lagi waktu pesawat mau landing. Pake acara ketawa super heboh dan pura-pura muntah. Ya ampun. Ganggu bener.

5. Minta rokok?
Lalu, sesaat setelah lampu seatbelt dimatikan, 3 bapak tsb langsung berdiri dan ngobrol ke deretan kursi sebelahnya. Dan ada 1 bapak yang mendekati deretan kursi “pramugari” off duty tadi dan bilang ke temennya si pramugari,”bagi rokok dong” – dan tepat pada saat itu speaker pesawatnya lagi ngasih tau larangan merokok di dalam toilet. Saya cuma bisa senyum menikmati ironi.
Setelah dikasih rokok sama temennya, lalu si bapak itu dibukain pintu dan masuk ke ruang kendali. Dia juga gak begitu peduli apakah saya dan penumpang lainnya punya kesan apa tentang dia sih.

Selain 5 point tadi yang cukup bikin kecewa dan malu-maluin, masih ada lagi point lain kayak bunyi keplek-keplek pintu kabinet yang ga ketutup rapet selama take off, bunyi mesin yang ngegas banget waktu terbang, 30an menit di udara terombang-ambing karena belum bisa turun ke bandara Denpasar, pramugari on duty yang ngobrol sama “pramugari” off duty, bau makanan yang tajem banget kalau lemari pantry-nya dibuka, dan bahasa Inggris pramugari yang kurang tertata.

Semoga ke depannya ada perbaikan ya, Citilink. Jangan ngejar murah doang kaya maskapai sebelah. Percuma diskon dan promo ini itu kalau servicenya ambyar. Kalaupun mau ngomong dan bertingkah kampungan, tolong lepas dulu seragamnya biar at least gak malu-maluin maskapai.

Penerbangan Citilink QG 850
07.35 WIB, CGK-DPS

28 AUGUST 2016, 09:00 AM